Expect a miracle

I wasn’t going to write today, because the mood is rather subdued. I ran over a cat while I was driving home last night and feel terrible about it. Not that I could have prevented it. I was driving slow enough, but it just shot out of nowhere right in front of me. Until last night, I’d always managed to stop. There are several cats in the neighborhood and I’m used to watching out for them. So today I am pondering how suddenly things in life can change — from one second to the next, and how important it is to always be aware and alert. In the now. I intended to pick a goddess card, but got distracted. (By the way, here’s the name to google: Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards if anyone is interested.)

In the meantime, I just heard from a friend that his son’s illness has worsened and they don’t expect him to live more than a few days. That really devastated me. I’d known he was ill, but he’d been stable for a while, so I kind of expected him to recover.

When I got the email about his son, I sat here and cried, not knowing what to answer. We’d planned to meet tomorrow, and he was cancelling due to the worsening situation. I sat quietly. I did not want to already offer condolences. Then I knew what to say. I told him what I’d heard just the other day: “As long as you are breathing, there is hope.” And I promised to light a candle, which I’ve already done.

The friend I had moaned to this morning about the cat wrote back and asked me which goddess card I’d picked. I had completely forgotten about it! (I’d mentioned to her that it seemed like it was a good day to pick a card.) In the middle of writing back, I stopped, not wanting to get distracted again. The deck nearly split as I lay out the cards.

Who did I pick? Mother Mary. She says: “Expect a miracle. Trust that your prayers will be heard. Trust is the light which shines upon your path. Without trust, the future appears to be terrifying. Thus it is necessary for you to take every step in good faith and trust. Please don’t give up hope — not for yourself and not for others. Let the light of faith shine in your soul. Even the smallest spark of hope can chase away the darkness of doubt. Be the light that can shine for others when they lose hope. When you support others, you not only help yourself. You help the whole world.” She advises one to “Think positive. Let go of all worries and fears. Be aware and follow the godly direction you receive. Pray. Focus on spiritual healing.”

That is exactly what I needed to hear. I will pray and trust and expect a miracle. I cannot determine ahead of time what the miracle will be, but I will pray until I glow with hope and faith, and that miracle will occur.
Remember: As long as you are breathing, there is hope.

Mothers

They love you dearly. They are always there to listen. They can drive you crazy. They don’t have a clue. They give up a lot for you. They are your biggest fan. And now I know how it is to be one. I am fortunate to still have both of my parents, but with my husband went through the loss of both of his parents, just two months apart from each other.

The last New Year’s Eve we celebrated with his parents, I told my mother-in-law how much I appreciate her and the fact that she accepts me as I am. I know it was difficult for her at times, because we had very different ways of doing things, but she never criticized or put me down. So I told her that she was a great mother-in-law, so different from the ones in films! And I gave her a big hug. That fall she called me on my birthday and wished me the best of everything. She said she hoped that I would accomplish all I set out to do in life. Two weeks later, she passed away, unexpectedly. It was as if we both had known we had to make use of the time we had.

For my husband it was especially difficult, because he was not close to either of them. His relationship with his mother had just begun to blossom after many years of silence, and then she was gone. His father loved him dearly and was very proud of him, but they just couldn’t talk. There were many things left unsaid. I felt his pain for a long time and often cried for him. It was so sad.

My mother can drive me crazy, but I love her very much. We are very close and I treasure that. It pains me to know that someday she will go. As long as we still have our parents, we can express and share many things. But when they are gone, they are still with us.