Hope, Dreams, Humility, Gratitude and Patience

What do all of these words have to do with each other? They are all essential ingredients for the recipe of daily life. I often find when just one of them is missing, things tend to slide out of alignment.

Hope we need for encouragement. No matter how things look, but especially on those dark days, we need to hope for the best. We hope for ourselves, but also for others —for all of humanity. There is still hope that we as a species can get it together and realize we are not in this alone. To this aim, the individual contribution is essential.

Dreams we need to show us the way. They illumine our aspirations and goals. They are the distant images of all that we can be. We need to believe in ourselves and our dreams, trust in the universal energy, and dare to achieve great things. Yet these great achievements are not about reaching some goal so that we can proudly strut around and say: “Look at me. I’ve done great things.” No, for me these remarkable achievements are to be expected — a wonderful, but also logical fulfillment of each person’s purpose in life.

Which brings me to humility. Occasionally I do something really well and feel exquisite happiness. Without humility, this joy would transform into self-complacency. I need to remain alert, always do my best, believe in myself but know there is always room for improvement. I want to remember that a job well done is simply part of my destiny.

It’s okay to feel happiness or enjoy praise — in moderation. Last year I had a good example of that. I was well-prepared for a concert, and it really went over well. A couple of months later, I gave another concert. Riding on the success and good feelings from the previous one, I didn’t have my heart in it as much. It was more like going through the motions and expecting the audience to react the same as the previous audience. The energy was lacking, afterwards I was dissatisfied, and then it became clear to me: Every concert is a new experience. Each time I need to be centered, put my whole heart into it, and be humble. I cannot assume that it will go over well, just because it did once. That was a valuable lesson.

These valuable lessons are cause for gratitude. I am grateful for everything I learn, for each step I can take. Even if the price seems to be exorbitant, the results are also impressive. When gratitude is lacking, insatiability can run rampant. We get caught up in wanting more, bigger, and better, and lose touch with where we came from and what it’s all about.

Sometimes the key to progress and success is simple patience. To be patient with one’s self and the course of things is necessary at times. When I trust that I am doing my best — without burning the candle at both ends — that gives me confidence to trust that all is well. All is as it should be. I do what I can, and the rest is up to higher power, the universe, and time. All good things will come with time.
Don’t even think for a minute that I’m writing this because I think I know everything and have the answers. Although, now that I write that, I do have the answers and knowledge. But that doesn’t always help. Doubt and impatience still manage to rise up at times and the confidence, trust, hope and dreams seem to disintegrate before my eyes.

During the past week I have experienced how essential it is to (re)connect with hope. When I start to slip down into that dark space, or if I’ve been there for a while, I need to seek the light — even if it means crawling on my hands and knees to get there. Or it means admitting great sorrow about the plight of an individual or the masses, and nevertheless going out into the world and being open to receive guidance. My experience at the Buddhist Monastery was a wonderful illustration of what can happen when I open up, rather than hide with my sadness in solitude.

For today, I wish that all of us will find the appropriate proportions of each of these ingredients to mix for a fulfilling day. Yes, I am humble today. I don’t make this wish for a whole life, just for this day. One day on which everything fits together is precious. Do your best, but be patient and know that time is an element of every success. Be resourceful and creative, and trust that the universe will be equally creative and bring you opportunities you’d never imagined.

It can be helpful just to let go of a mindset. Open up to new possibilities, new ways of relating to life, situations and other people. The rules and patterns we absorbed from the moment we were born do not have to determine our path. The magic of being human is that we can reflect, think logically and consciously make changes! That is a miracle.

Sunday ramblings and revelations

I guess I’ll just dive in. I listened to calm music last night to fall asleep, and it wasn’t calm enough!! There was some percussion that kept jolting me. So I need to check out music for falling asleep. That doesn’t really surprise me, being a person of extremes. Now that I have surrendered to the need for calm music, it has to be REALLY calm! I put on the Gregorian chants, and that was better.

While cooking lunch today, my phone rang. It was my sleepyhead daughter calling from upstairs. She’d come home late the night before and had just woken up. With motherly intuition, I answered the phone: “Meals on wheels. How can I help you?” She replied, “I’m hungry. Can you make something with spinach?” I just happened to be making spinach crepes, which is one of her favorite meals. (It is odd: she doesn’t like many vegetables, but she likes spinach.)

Meal preparation is a good time to let one’s stream of consciousness run free. Various thoughts occurred to me. I’m still feeling helpless, as if I don’t have control over my life. I remember the year before my 26th birthday, when I decided it was now or never with recovery, because I had spent half my life as a bulimic. If I didn’t stop at 26, it would become more than half of my life.

I moved here (to my then-boyfriend-now-husband) when I was 23, and this fall I turn 46. Once again, that half-way point of life is lurking in the shadows of my consciousness. Maybe I’m going through this struggle all over again to better show what is involved in recovery - beyond the simple information on how it is possible. I wanted to offer my story as encouragement for recovery. What better way to emphasize that recovery is a life-long process than to share my next big step? It’s a little harder this time, because other people are involved - a husband and two children. Nor do I have any substances to get me through it. Alcohol doesn’t work. Nor do I want to smoke or eat sweets. What to do when there’s nothing left - nowhere to hide? I don’t know yet.

Once I had the necessary determination. I need it again. Maybe the bulimia recovery was just the dress rehearsal to prepare for true emotional recovery. This is the big show - the main performance. (Until the next one, that is!!) I learned to recover, to eat, to take fairly good care of myself, but emotionally didn’t quite restore the complete sense of self worth. Now it’s growing, and it’s a challenge to remain in the daily routine. In fact, I’m changing things step by step.

One very important step in recovery is humility. Every time I start to get too full of myself and think I’m on top of the world, something happens to remind me that I’m like everyone else. I need to remain humble and grateful for each day. That keeps me grounded. I’ve generally been the one to offer advice, be strong, help others, or play a leading role, so it is a strange feeling to be so slow on the path and look to others for guidance. But those ahead of me are also humble, and they encourage me - shining the light and beckoning for me to come join them. That is a wonderful gesture.