What do all of these words have to do with each other? They are all essential ingredients for the recipe of daily life. I often find when just one of them is missing, things tend to slide out of alignment.
Hope we need for encouragement. No matter how things look, but especially on those dark days, we need to hope for the best. We hope for ourselves, but also for others —for all of humanity. There is still hope that we as a species can get it together and realize we are not in this alone. To this aim, the individual contribution is essential.
Dreams we need to show us the way. They illumine our aspirations and goals. They are the distant images of all that we can be. We need to believe in ourselves and our dreams, trust in the universal energy, and dare to achieve great things. Yet these great achievements are not about reaching some goal so that we can proudly strut around and say: “Look at me. I’ve done great things.” No, for me these remarkable achievements are to be expected — a wonderful, but also logical fulfillment of each person’s purpose in life.
Which brings me to humility. Occasionally I do something really well and feel exquisite happiness. Without humility, this joy would transform into self-complacency. I need to remain alert, always do my best, believe in myself but know there is always room for improvement. I want to remember that a job well done is simply part of my destiny.
It’s okay to feel happiness or enjoy praise — in moderation. Last year I had a good example of that. I was well-prepared for a concert, and it really went over well. A couple of months later, I gave another concert. Riding on the success and good feelings from the previous one, I didn’t have my heart in it as much. It was more like going through the motions and expecting the audience to react the same as the previous audience. The energy was lacking, afterwards I was dissatisfied, and then it became clear to me: Every concert is a new experience. Each time I need to be centered, put my whole heart into it, and be humble. I cannot assume that it will go over well, just because it did once. That was a valuable lesson.
These valuable lessons are cause for gratitude. I am grateful for everything I learn, for each step I can take. Even if the price seems to be exorbitant, the results are also impressive. When gratitude is lacking, insatiability can run rampant. We get caught up in wanting more, bigger, and better, and lose touch with where we came from and what it’s all about.
Sometimes the key to progress and success is simple patience. To be patient with one’s self and the course of things is necessary at times. When I trust that I am doing my best — without burning the candle at both ends — that gives me confidence to trust that all is well. All is as it should be. I do what I can, and the rest is up to higher power, the universe, and time. All good things will come with time.
Don’t even think for a minute that I’m writing this because I think I know everything and have the answers. Although, now that I write that, I do have the answers and knowledge. But that doesn’t always help. Doubt and impatience still manage to rise up at times and the confidence, trust, hope and dreams seem to disintegrate before my eyes.
During the past week I have experienced how essential it is to (re)connect with hope. When I start to slip down into that dark space, or if I’ve been there for a while, I need to seek the light — even if it means crawling on my hands and knees to get there. Or it means admitting great sorrow about the plight of an individual or the masses, and nevertheless going out into the world and being open to receive guidance. My experience at the Buddhist Monastery was a wonderful illustration of what can happen when I open up, rather than hide with my sadness in solitude.
For today, I wish that all of us will find the appropriate proportions of each of these ingredients to mix for a fulfilling day. Yes, I am humble today. I don’t make this wish for a whole life, just for this day. One day on which everything fits together is precious. Do your best, but be patient and know that time is an element of every success. Be resourceful and creative, and trust that the universe will be equally creative and bring you opportunities you’d never imagined.
It can be helpful just to let go of a mindset. Open up to new possibilities, new ways of relating to life, situations and other people. The rules and patterns we absorbed from the moment we were born do not have to determine our path. The magic of being human is that we can reflect, think logically and consciously make changes! That is a miracle.
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Housework and Self-Improvement
What does housework have to do with eating disorders? More than you may realize! First of all, when I look back to my worst times — living alone in a studio apartment in New York City (that was the good part!) and bingeing blindly (you can guess which part that was), my apartment was a disaster! I will skip the details, but let’s just say I didn’t clean very often. When I did, it was usually in the middle of the night. It would have taken me the whole day to get motivated, or I might just do it on an impulse.
Somehow, cleaning my apartment at night, while normal people were asleep, I felt like an elf in a fairy tale. You know - I’d wake up the next day and — SURPRISE! — my apartment would be clean! But let me get back to the dirty part. There I would be, scrubbing away at the bathroom walls, and think to myself: “Gee, doing housework isn’t so bad. It’s just getting started that’s the worst part. I can do this more often, then the mess won’t be so bad.” Is that what I did? Of course not! The weeks passed once again.
Since I’ve recovered (and live with a very orderly, cleanliness-loving man), my housecleaning habits have improved considerably — if not drastically. But lately it has occurred to me that I do housework often just not to get a scolding, which is really quite stressful, so I’ve relaxed a bit. He’s not complaining anymore, because I’m not putting up with it anymore. Or maybe he’s walking on eggshells, now that I’m not? I’m not going to get into that today. The point is, I’ve relaxed things a bit and feel less pressure.
So much for my cleaning history as a bulimarexic and as a healthy woman. More important to me are the lessons life gives me, which also includes having to get through some difficult situations. It occurred to me while writing to someone that these challenges, issues and problems are kind of like housework. Whether I deal with them today, tomorrow, next week or even never — they won’t go away. So why not relax and deal with them when I’m motivated? Just like I do with the housework?
In fact, it just occurred to me. I’m sure anyone who does housework knows that some days are better than others. That is true about any work, actually. There are days when everything flows, the work seems to almost get done by itself. Equally, there are other days, when even the minor tasks seem to take forever or just don’t go well. For several tasks, it would make sense to consult a calendar. Depending on which sign of the zodiac the moon happens to be in (I don’t know if I’m saying this right, but you can check any good calendar), certain tasks are better done or left alone. I’m serious! For example, there are only a few days a month on which it makes sense to clean windows. Unfortunately, I haven’t cleaned my windows for a few months, because it either rained on those days, I had company, or — oh, dear! — I just didn’t feel like it. Yes, that can happen, too, regardless of the calendar.
Looking at it from this perspective, even though there are things about myself and life that need work, it really isn’t so terrible if I don’t get it all done this week. But rather than doing a marathon job once a year, maybe this could also be broken down into smaller tasks. Then less “mess” would collect over time. Theoretically, at least. When the relatives come, they always leave a mess!
I’m just about finished, but there is one more topic that must be discussed, since I’m talking about work. Free time. “All work, no play, for me that is a lousy day.”
And yet, I find it so difficult to play sometimes, because there is still so much work to do. Playtime could also be put into the schedule. Oh, I’m so sorry if this sounds like I’m making up rules. I really shouldn’t do that, because the first thing I’ll do is break them. Several years ago, in a sudden burst of honesty, I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions. For me, there is absolutely no point. “Must, should, have to, ought to, supposed to…” are words I don’t particularly care for, regardless of context.
So don’t let me try to tell anybody what to do. It’s just a thought that housework and life work will not run away from us, so maybe we could stress ourselves less with the thought of what we ought (ouch!) to do and see it more as something that can be built into the flow of our day. Free time is unfortunately made of different material properties. If we don’t consciously make time for it, it disappears like a rainbow.
Somehow, cleaning my apartment at night, while normal people were asleep, I felt like an elf in a fairy tale. You know - I’d wake up the next day and — SURPRISE! — my apartment would be clean! But let me get back to the dirty part. There I would be, scrubbing away at the bathroom walls, and think to myself: “Gee, doing housework isn’t so bad. It’s just getting started that’s the worst part. I can do this more often, then the mess won’t be so bad.” Is that what I did? Of course not! The weeks passed once again.
Since I’ve recovered (and live with a very orderly, cleanliness-loving man), my housecleaning habits have improved considerably — if not drastically. But lately it has occurred to me that I do housework often just not to get a scolding, which is really quite stressful, so I’ve relaxed a bit. He’s not complaining anymore, because I’m not putting up with it anymore. Or maybe he’s walking on eggshells, now that I’m not? I’m not going to get into that today. The point is, I’ve relaxed things a bit and feel less pressure.
So much for my cleaning history as a bulimarexic and as a healthy woman. More important to me are the lessons life gives me, which also includes having to get through some difficult situations. It occurred to me while writing to someone that these challenges, issues and problems are kind of like housework. Whether I deal with them today, tomorrow, next week or even never — they won’t go away. So why not relax and deal with them when I’m motivated? Just like I do with the housework?
In fact, it just occurred to me. I’m sure anyone who does housework knows that some days are better than others. That is true about any work, actually. There are days when everything flows, the work seems to almost get done by itself. Equally, there are other days, when even the minor tasks seem to take forever or just don’t go well. For several tasks, it would make sense to consult a calendar. Depending on which sign of the zodiac the moon happens to be in (I don’t know if I’m saying this right, but you can check any good calendar), certain tasks are better done or left alone. I’m serious! For example, there are only a few days a month on which it makes sense to clean windows. Unfortunately, I haven’t cleaned my windows for a few months, because it either rained on those days, I had company, or — oh, dear! — I just didn’t feel like it. Yes, that can happen, too, regardless of the calendar.
Looking at it from this perspective, even though there are things about myself and life that need work, it really isn’t so terrible if I don’t get it all done this week. But rather than doing a marathon job once a year, maybe this could also be broken down into smaller tasks. Then less “mess” would collect over time. Theoretically, at least. When the relatives come, they always leave a mess!
I’m just about finished, but there is one more topic that must be discussed, since I’m talking about work. Free time. “All work, no play, for me that is a lousy day.”
And yet, I find it so difficult to play sometimes, because there is still so much work to do. Playtime could also be put into the schedule. Oh, I’m so sorry if this sounds like I’m making up rules. I really shouldn’t do that, because the first thing I’ll do is break them. Several years ago, in a sudden burst of honesty, I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions. For me, there is absolutely no point. “Must, should, have to, ought to, supposed to…” are words I don’t particularly care for, regardless of context.
So don’t let me try to tell anybody what to do. It’s just a thought that housework and life work will not run away from us, so maybe we could stress ourselves less with the thought of what we ought (ouch!) to do and see it more as something that can be built into the flow of our day. Free time is unfortunately made of different material properties. If we don’t consciously make time for it, it disappears like a rainbow.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Spring wake-up efforts
After a workout at the gym today, I felt much better. I need to work out regularly. It helps me stay in shape, keeps me strong and in a better mood, prevents osteoporosis and weight gain. (Since passing 40, I’ve noticed a tendency to gain weight more easily if I don’t get enough exercise.) Sounds like a good deal to me! Okay, I’m motivated! (It’s kind of hard, because I’ve just never been the type that wants to do something all the time, though it does me good. But once I’m there, I enjoy it!) It just occurred to me that this recent slide into darkness coincided with my reduction in activity. I’m sure it’s connected. So if you’re feeling down, when’s the last time you moved that body?
But before I went to the gym, I picked two goddess cards – two because two made themselves noticeable. That does happen on occasion. (The deck is by Doreen Virtue, in case anyone is curious.) Who did I pick? First Sarasvati, then Oonagh beckoned. They were both appropriate. (The descriptions are my rough translation from German.)
Sarasvati is a Hindu goddess of the fine arts. Her message is: “You are a boundless being. If you perceive limits – be they temporal, financial or otherwise – that is only your perception, because you are focussed on the material world. You can remove these boundaries by changing your focus. Music is of major importance for the expression of non-materialistic ideals and energy. It helps us move beyond the limits of thinking and existence. Surround yourself with music and let it stimulate new ideas and awaken your creativity. Flow with the music and allow yourself to experiment. Enjoy your boundlessness.” Her advice is to sing, dance, be creative, and/or make music.
Oonagh is a Celtic goddess of lightness/ease. Her message is: “To really be involved in a relationship/project is a long-term commitment, which one should not enter upon lightly. It is so important to me what happens to my planet and loved ones that I will stick by them no matter what. That is not always easy, but it is the only way I can be sure that everything will be resolved and heal. I listen to my heart. I show my loved ones how much they mean to me. I do something to keep matters moving. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions – you profit by pursuing your main goals. You will feel good when you create time and space for matters of the heart. Do what you need to do, and do it with your whole heart. And remember, there is no competition for the true purpose in life, so you don’t have to worry, hurry, or put pressure on yourself.” She says everything will happen in good time. Nor should I take any drastic measures. One step at a time, consistently moving forward, is the best way to go. Ease gently into your new life, don’t be in a rush.
I bet both cards are appropriate for others besides me today, and stumbling upon them here and now is very close to picking them. That’s why I’m sharing them.
I’m following Sarasvati’s advice and surrounding myself in music. One magical song I've been listening to is "Hide in your shell" by Supertramp. Youtube-it! I was 15 when it came out. It was one of the few times I felt understood. I don’t think it needs more comment.
But before I went to the gym, I picked two goddess cards – two because two made themselves noticeable. That does happen on occasion. (The deck is by Doreen Virtue, in case anyone is curious.) Who did I pick? First Sarasvati, then Oonagh beckoned. They were both appropriate. (The descriptions are my rough translation from German.)
Sarasvati is a Hindu goddess of the fine arts. Her message is: “You are a boundless being. If you perceive limits – be they temporal, financial or otherwise – that is only your perception, because you are focussed on the material world. You can remove these boundaries by changing your focus. Music is of major importance for the expression of non-materialistic ideals and energy. It helps us move beyond the limits of thinking and existence. Surround yourself with music and let it stimulate new ideas and awaken your creativity. Flow with the music and allow yourself to experiment. Enjoy your boundlessness.” Her advice is to sing, dance, be creative, and/or make music.
Oonagh is a Celtic goddess of lightness/ease. Her message is: “To really be involved in a relationship/project is a long-term commitment, which one should not enter upon lightly. It is so important to me what happens to my planet and loved ones that I will stick by them no matter what. That is not always easy, but it is the only way I can be sure that everything will be resolved and heal. I listen to my heart. I show my loved ones how much they mean to me. I do something to keep matters moving. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions – you profit by pursuing your main goals. You will feel good when you create time and space for matters of the heart. Do what you need to do, and do it with your whole heart. And remember, there is no competition for the true purpose in life, so you don’t have to worry, hurry, or put pressure on yourself.” She says everything will happen in good time. Nor should I take any drastic measures. One step at a time, consistently moving forward, is the best way to go. Ease gently into your new life, don’t be in a rush.
I bet both cards are appropriate for others besides me today, and stumbling upon them here and now is very close to picking them. That’s why I’m sharing them.
I’m following Sarasvati’s advice and surrounding myself in music. One magical song I've been listening to is "Hide in your shell" by Supertramp. Youtube-it! I was 15 when it came out. It was one of the few times I felt understood. I don’t think it needs more comment.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Obsessing, prophetic winks and book recommendations
When I have thought about a problematic situation endlessly and come to no clear conclusion (some people call this obsessing), that seems to be the time to let go and do something else. Then, to my surprise, if not the answer then at least suggestions seem to appear from nowhere. Although this has occurred countless times, it never ceases to amaze me.
Where do the answers come from? A telephone conversation, a billboard, a newspaper article, an ad in the subway, a book I’m reading. Books especially seem to provide the best answers. I can remember going through a difficult time with my daughter - one of those phases during which I feel like I did everything wrong and I just don’t know what to do. At that time, I was reading a book about Sri Ramana Maharshi, and the strangest things happened. It is quite a thick book, so it took a while to get through it. During that time, I often had the feeling that his spirit was with me. I had vivid dreams. Often I would think about a problem, pick up the book, and an answer would be there. That was a very special experience.
At one of my lowest points, the person narrating the story told about his own childhood and how his father had done his utmost to prevent his son from becoming a holy man, as the astrologers had predicted at his birth. Despite all of his father’s efforts, and ignorant of them until much later, the man fulfilled his destiny. When I read that, I thought to myself: “And I am trying to nurture my daughter, not stand in her way. Surely she will find her way and fulfill her own destiny.” (That was a borrowed book and I don’t remember the name.)
Recently, I’ve read books about strong women. That wasn’t my intention, but it just seemed to happen, and was exactly what I needed. I read Left to Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza, who told her amazing story of surviving the Rwandan holocaust in 1994. In A Circle of Quiet Madeleine L’Engle talks about keeping on, despite various struggles, believing in herself, and finally having success with her book A Wrinkle in Time. In fiction I read Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende. In the early 1980’s I first read My Life by Isadora Duncan, and have carried that small paperback with me across the ocean and through several different apartments. Recently, it whispered to me from the bookshelf “read me!” - so I did, and was duly inspired by her free, matter-of-fact thinking. It seems as though she never doubted herself and was totally merged with the universe.
For the past 6 months I’ve been reading the biography of Frida Kahlo from Hayden Herrera. That is taking a long time. Yet each time I pick it up again, the timing is perfect. It had been several weeks again, and last night I decided to read further. I just happened to be at the part where she had separated from her husband (whom she later remarried) and wanted to make it on her own. She was having a difficult time and wrote to a friend: “This is the absolute worst time of my life. I don’t know how I’ll get through this.” As the author wrote in the closing sentence to that chapter, “but of course she did indeed get through it.” What better encouragement can I ask for?
Then there are affirmations and oracles, like Heart Thoughts: A treasure of inner wisdom by Louise Hay. That is good for simply opening up to the right page to find an affirmation that suits the day exactly. Or my Goddess cards. People smile sceptically when I tell them, but the cards are always right on. (Haven’t picked one for a while. I think I’ll do that after I finish writing this.) Recently I picked the same card two days in a row. It was telling me among other things to get outdoors, get fresh air, move. I prefer indoor activities like reading, listening to music, writing and talking on the phone. On the third day, I was a bit annoyed and thought, “I don’t want to get that card again. I don’t WANT to go outside.” Well, I picked a different goddess, but this one also told me to go outside. I had to laugh, and ended up going for a walk. I grudgingly admit that I felt better afterwards.
I won’t go beyond mentioning the impact of music and lyrics. Lyrics have always been a fascinating source of emotional nourishment for as long as I can remember. As a ten-year-old I copied a quote from the song ”I am a rock” by Simon and Garfunkel into my diary. I felt so understood!! There is a wealth of support to be found there.
What I’m saying is, I don’t recommend running away from one’s problems. Rather, if the approach up until now hasn’t worked, then maybe it’s time to let go of it. Let go of trying to control and figure everything out. Quiet down, open up and see what’s out there. Find out about other people - what they are doing, going through, have been through, and what they have to say about their experiences. Although it is not easy to let go, and can be a little scary (fear of the unknown?!), there is also something very exciting about making a change and trying something new. For myself, I am at a turning point, and I’m definitely open to a new approach. So many old behavior and thought patterns stopped working or never worked. I’m ready for new ones. By the way, I’ve heard from several people about the worst time of their lives - and they got through it!
As an afterthought, I’ve gotten really sloppy about going to the gym regularly. I always seem to be so busy. Last year I was in better shape. What did my horoscope in today’s paper say? Exactly that: “A year ago you were in much better shape physically. Do something!!” So, I will consult my goddess cards, and then I will get to the gym today!
Where do the answers come from? A telephone conversation, a billboard, a newspaper article, an ad in the subway, a book I’m reading. Books especially seem to provide the best answers. I can remember going through a difficult time with my daughter - one of those phases during which I feel like I did everything wrong and I just don’t know what to do. At that time, I was reading a book about Sri Ramana Maharshi, and the strangest things happened. It is quite a thick book, so it took a while to get through it. During that time, I often had the feeling that his spirit was with me. I had vivid dreams. Often I would think about a problem, pick up the book, and an answer would be there. That was a very special experience.
At one of my lowest points, the person narrating the story told about his own childhood and how his father had done his utmost to prevent his son from becoming a holy man, as the astrologers had predicted at his birth. Despite all of his father’s efforts, and ignorant of them until much later, the man fulfilled his destiny. When I read that, I thought to myself: “And I am trying to nurture my daughter, not stand in her way. Surely she will find her way and fulfill her own destiny.” (That was a borrowed book and I don’t remember the name.)
Recently, I’ve read books about strong women. That wasn’t my intention, but it just seemed to happen, and was exactly what I needed. I read Left to Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza, who told her amazing story of surviving the Rwandan holocaust in 1994. In A Circle of Quiet Madeleine L’Engle talks about keeping on, despite various struggles, believing in herself, and finally having success with her book A Wrinkle in Time. In fiction I read Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende. In the early 1980’s I first read My Life by Isadora Duncan, and have carried that small paperback with me across the ocean and through several different apartments. Recently, it whispered to me from the bookshelf “read me!” - so I did, and was duly inspired by her free, matter-of-fact thinking. It seems as though she never doubted herself and was totally merged with the universe.
For the past 6 months I’ve been reading the biography of Frida Kahlo from Hayden Herrera. That is taking a long time. Yet each time I pick it up again, the timing is perfect. It had been several weeks again, and last night I decided to read further. I just happened to be at the part where she had separated from her husband (whom she later remarried) and wanted to make it on her own. She was having a difficult time and wrote to a friend: “This is the absolute worst time of my life. I don’t know how I’ll get through this.” As the author wrote in the closing sentence to that chapter, “but of course she did indeed get through it.” What better encouragement can I ask for?
Then there are affirmations and oracles, like Heart Thoughts: A treasure of inner wisdom by Louise Hay. That is good for simply opening up to the right page to find an affirmation that suits the day exactly. Or my Goddess cards. People smile sceptically when I tell them, but the cards are always right on. (Haven’t picked one for a while. I think I’ll do that after I finish writing this.) Recently I picked the same card two days in a row. It was telling me among other things to get outdoors, get fresh air, move. I prefer indoor activities like reading, listening to music, writing and talking on the phone. On the third day, I was a bit annoyed and thought, “I don’t want to get that card again. I don’t WANT to go outside.” Well, I picked a different goddess, but this one also told me to go outside. I had to laugh, and ended up going for a walk. I grudgingly admit that I felt better afterwards.
I won’t go beyond mentioning the impact of music and lyrics. Lyrics have always been a fascinating source of emotional nourishment for as long as I can remember. As a ten-year-old I copied a quote from the song ”I am a rock” by Simon and Garfunkel into my diary. I felt so understood!! There is a wealth of support to be found there.
What I’m saying is, I don’t recommend running away from one’s problems. Rather, if the approach up until now hasn’t worked, then maybe it’s time to let go of it. Let go of trying to control and figure everything out. Quiet down, open up and see what’s out there. Find out about other people - what they are doing, going through, have been through, and what they have to say about their experiences. Although it is not easy to let go, and can be a little scary (fear of the unknown?!), there is also something very exciting about making a change and trying something new. For myself, I am at a turning point, and I’m definitely open to a new approach. So many old behavior and thought patterns stopped working or never worked. I’m ready for new ones. By the way, I’ve heard from several people about the worst time of their lives - and they got through it!
As an afterthought, I’ve gotten really sloppy about going to the gym regularly. I always seem to be so busy. Last year I was in better shape. What did my horoscope in today’s paper say? Exactly that: “A year ago you were in much better shape physically. Do something!!” So, I will consult my goddess cards, and then I will get to the gym today!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Hanging by a Thread
That’s what I’m doing emotionally these days, because my life is kind of upside down and really needs some shaking out. I spent some time reading inspirational posts by real people like me, who are also not perfect, who have also experienced a lot, who have faced incredible challenges and still have more to go, and that gives me hope.
I guess I’d been floating on this plateau for a while, not realizing that a storm was brewing. Or maybe I just needed to be oblivious for a while to gather my strength. Or I was so scared that I did all I could to keep the storm in the kettle with the lid on, but didn’t know how to turn off the stove. Anyway, I don’t feel particularly strong right now. I’m just kind of sitting here. Suddenly it occurred to me: That is okay, too. Then I had the vision of hanging by a thread and thought to myself: Yes, that could be quite a catchy tune, and right now, that’s about all you can do with it. Maybe make a funny song out of it.
See, sometimes we really just need to hang. To pray, to admit our helplessness, and be willing to let higher power take over for a while, because our free will hasn’t been so free. Or maybe it got us into more trouble than we bargained for. That is okay. Take off the pressure. There are others who are putting it together now, linking the thoughts and insights that I need, for which I am so grateful.
All that has gone before makes us what we are today. I keep hearing that, and I do believe it. I’m not spouting wisdom today. Instead, I’m walking around holding out my apron to catch all the wisdom and insight that others offer. And I’m not going to feel guilty about it or put myself down for being selfish. I’m just going to thank everyone. And I will keep thanking them, keep hanging by my thread, and keep listening. Standing there with my apron, I look at the lush green fields, the blue-grey snow-tipped mountains outlined in the sky, and take in the energy.
Life is up and down, a series of waves, with different phases. Right now I’m in a phase of holding on. When the time is right, I’ll be able to let go again - and then probably laugh when I realize I didn’t fall very far at all! Breathe and laugh, breathe and laugh. The next change is going to be a big one!
I guess I’d been floating on this plateau for a while, not realizing that a storm was brewing. Or maybe I just needed to be oblivious for a while to gather my strength. Or I was so scared that I did all I could to keep the storm in the kettle with the lid on, but didn’t know how to turn off the stove. Anyway, I don’t feel particularly strong right now. I’m just kind of sitting here. Suddenly it occurred to me: That is okay, too. Then I had the vision of hanging by a thread and thought to myself: Yes, that could be quite a catchy tune, and right now, that’s about all you can do with it. Maybe make a funny song out of it.
See, sometimes we really just need to hang. To pray, to admit our helplessness, and be willing to let higher power take over for a while, because our free will hasn’t been so free. Or maybe it got us into more trouble than we bargained for. That is okay. Take off the pressure. There are others who are putting it together now, linking the thoughts and insights that I need, for which I am so grateful.
All that has gone before makes us what we are today. I keep hearing that, and I do believe it. I’m not spouting wisdom today. Instead, I’m walking around holding out my apron to catch all the wisdom and insight that others offer. And I’m not going to feel guilty about it or put myself down for being selfish. I’m just going to thank everyone. And I will keep thanking them, keep hanging by my thread, and keep listening. Standing there with my apron, I look at the lush green fields, the blue-grey snow-tipped mountains outlined in the sky, and take in the energy.
Life is up and down, a series of waves, with different phases. Right now I’m in a phase of holding on. When the time is right, I’ll be able to let go again - and then probably laugh when I realize I didn’t fall very far at all! Breathe and laugh, breathe and laugh. The next change is going to be a big one!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Noticeable Change
Recently I hooked up with some spiritual, positive-thinking people, and feel a refreshing wave of hope and humanity returning to my life - and that, despite the sad world situation. It has often bothered me that I react with anger over stupid situations, and more often than not make a fool of myself. In the process, there is often a bad aftertaste on both sides. Most of the time, it has to do with being in a bad mood, feeling sorry for myself, or oh, so misunderstood. Then I tend to jump to conclusions, and more often than not, attack some innocent bystander verbally with my frustration.
Last Wednesday was different. I’d just come out from my singing lesson, and there was a huge truck parked behind my car, so I couldn’t leave the parking space. Feeling calm and optimistic, I looked at the driver’s seat - empty. Then I went around to the back and saw two guys unloading stuff. In a - get a load of this!! - friendly voice, I simply asked if they were going to be there for a long time, because they were blocking my car. One guy said, yes, but they could move the truck. I started to go back to my car, then I said, “Well, if you’re not going to be too much longer, I could quickly run to the store and let you finish what you’re doing.” The other guy said, “No, I’ll move the truck. It’s going to take us a while longer.” So he moved the truck back, I got out of the parking space, and drove by with a friendly wave.
Afterwards I felt a rush of — happiness through cooperation. I don’t know what else to call it. Sometimes I am so stuck in my world and feel like everyone is out to get me, especially when confronted with an unexpected obstacle. On the other hand, I so admire people who stay calm and simply cope with a situation, not assuming the worst. The realization that we are all in this together, that they were just doing their work, and that we can solve little and big problems with friendly, considerate communication is clear enough, just sometimes the stress of daily life blinds me to that.
Looked at from a different, more generous perspective, such situations are opportunities to connect, to celebrate our common humanity and utilize our wonderful gift of being human: We have the ability to think before we speak, and to see things in a positive way. We can be open and assume the best instead of the worst. I don’t mean to make such a big deal of this, but for me it is. I really prefer when that better part of me shines through. That does indeed have an effect. All of us left the interaction in a good way, so we were more inclined to be kind and friendly to the next person we met. Like a pebble tossed into a lake…
Last Wednesday was different. I’d just come out from my singing lesson, and there was a huge truck parked behind my car, so I couldn’t leave the parking space. Feeling calm and optimistic, I looked at the driver’s seat - empty. Then I went around to the back and saw two guys unloading stuff. In a - get a load of this!! - friendly voice, I simply asked if they were going to be there for a long time, because they were blocking my car. One guy said, yes, but they could move the truck. I started to go back to my car, then I said, “Well, if you’re not going to be too much longer, I could quickly run to the store and let you finish what you’re doing.” The other guy said, “No, I’ll move the truck. It’s going to take us a while longer.” So he moved the truck back, I got out of the parking space, and drove by with a friendly wave.
Afterwards I felt a rush of — happiness through cooperation. I don’t know what else to call it. Sometimes I am so stuck in my world and feel like everyone is out to get me, especially when confronted with an unexpected obstacle. On the other hand, I so admire people who stay calm and simply cope with a situation, not assuming the worst. The realization that we are all in this together, that they were just doing their work, and that we can solve little and big problems with friendly, considerate communication is clear enough, just sometimes the stress of daily life blinds me to that.
Looked at from a different, more generous perspective, such situations are opportunities to connect, to celebrate our common humanity and utilize our wonderful gift of being human: We have the ability to think before we speak, and to see things in a positive way. We can be open and assume the best instead of the worst. I don’t mean to make such a big deal of this, but for me it is. I really prefer when that better part of me shines through. That does indeed have an effect. All of us left the interaction in a good way, so we were more inclined to be kind and friendly to the next person we met. Like a pebble tossed into a lake…
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