Recently I hooked up with some spiritual, positive-thinking people, and feel a refreshing wave of hope and humanity returning to my life - and that, despite the sad world situation. It has often bothered me that I react with anger over stupid situations, and more often than not make a fool of myself. In the process, there is often a bad aftertaste on both sides. Most of the time, it has to do with being in a bad mood, feeling sorry for myself, or oh, so misunderstood. Then I tend to jump to conclusions, and more often than not, attack some innocent bystander verbally with my frustration.
Last Wednesday was different. I’d just come out from my singing lesson, and there was a huge truck parked behind my car, so I couldn’t leave the parking space. Feeling calm and optimistic, I looked at the driver’s seat - empty. Then I went around to the back and saw two guys unloading stuff. In a - get a load of this!! - friendly voice, I simply asked if they were going to be there for a long time, because they were blocking my car. One guy said, yes, but they could move the truck. I started to go back to my car, then I said, “Well, if you’re not going to be too much longer, I could quickly run to the store and let you finish what you’re doing.” The other guy said, “No, I’ll move the truck. It’s going to take us a while longer.” So he moved the truck back, I got out of the parking space, and drove by with a friendly wave.
Afterwards I felt a rush of — happiness through cooperation. I don’t know what else to call it. Sometimes I am so stuck in my world and feel like everyone is out to get me, especially when confronted with an unexpected obstacle. On the other hand, I so admire people who stay calm and simply cope with a situation, not assuming the worst. The realization that we are all in this together, that they were just doing their work, and that we can solve little and big problems with friendly, considerate communication is clear enough, just sometimes the stress of daily life blinds me to that.
Looked at from a different, more generous perspective, such situations are opportunities to connect, to celebrate our common humanity and utilize our wonderful gift of being human: We have the ability to think before we speak, and to see things in a positive way. We can be open and assume the best instead of the worst. I don’t mean to make such a big deal of this, but for me it is. I really prefer when that better part of me shines through. That does indeed have an effect. All of us left the interaction in a good way, so we were more inclined to be kind and friendly to the next person we met. Like a pebble tossed into a lake…
Showing posts with label singing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label singing. Show all posts
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Power of Dreams
In this context, I mean the conscious dreams or aspirations that we have. It’s not like I have nothing better to do, but I manage to think reflectively during the day and today my thoughts wandered to singing.
As I worked on my book (Diary of a Recovered Bulimic), which is comprised of journal entries over a period of 20 years, I was surprised by the frequent mention of my desire to sing. I first mention wanting to sing when I was 20. Every time the wish had come up in the past, I’d suppressed it, since I didn’t think I could sing well enough. Ten years ago, when I was 35, I suddenly realized that all I’d ever wanted to do was sing, but had never dared to pursue it. I thought this realization was a new discovery. I decided to pursue that dream and make the most of it, given my life situation and despite my age - 35 is slightly a bit old to become a rock star, but it works fine for a singer/songwriter. Since that time, I have been singing, writing songs and learning to play guitar. I have given a dozen concerts and I confess: I love standing on the stage and talking to the audience - and singing, too!
Now that the background information has been provided, we jump into today’s reflection about the power of dreams. I’ve never been very ambitious, although I do work hard when I have a project or job to do, but just never had that sense of purpose. That has changed. I want to be the best singer I can possibly be, given my late start. This goal is what helped me give up smoking four years ago and not miss it. I didn’t want the smoking to affect my voice.
At the moment, a lot of old stuff is coming up from my past. I thought I had dealt with everything when I first recovered, but things just keep coming up anyway. Perhaps such long-term recovery and strength are necessary before the really heavy stuff can be handled. I don’t know. In any case, I am facing old fears and destructive behavior (relationship) patterns, as well as considering some major changes in my life. Some days I am tempted to just give up and forget everything. What gives me the strength and determination to continue? Singing and the desire to sing the best I can!
The voice is an extremely sensitive instrument. I have noticed in the past how it is affected by my energy level. When I am tired or under stress, I cannot sing well. Singing is also about letting go. I cannot sing well when I try hard. It has to be effortless and flowing, which is no easy task for someone with my background. As is true for many anorexics and bulimics, I have a tendency towards perfection. Since I plan to record a CD in the near future, it would be in my best interest to feel strong, well-rested, not be stressed, and to simply let go and enjoy the process. This realization more or less hit me over the head today. That is the key! I realized I am willing to go to extreme lengths, to take risks and assert myself for my voice. My voice is me!
My mind continued to wander in between chores and errands, and I felt a warm sense of gratitude spread through me. My dream gives me strength to face the more difficult tasks and situations in my life, and encouragement to cope well. My reward is the ability to sing freely and let my voice express itself fully. I’m not there
As I worked on my book (Diary of a Recovered Bulimic), which is comprised of journal entries over a period of 20 years, I was surprised by the frequent mention of my desire to sing. I first mention wanting to sing when I was 20. Every time the wish had come up in the past, I’d suppressed it, since I didn’t think I could sing well enough. Ten years ago, when I was 35, I suddenly realized that all I’d ever wanted to do was sing, but had never dared to pursue it. I thought this realization was a new discovery. I decided to pursue that dream and make the most of it, given my life situation and despite my age - 35 is slightly a bit old to become a rock star, but it works fine for a singer/songwriter. Since that time, I have been singing, writing songs and learning to play guitar. I have given a dozen concerts and I confess: I love standing on the stage and talking to the audience - and singing, too!
Now that the background information has been provided, we jump into today’s reflection about the power of dreams. I’ve never been very ambitious, although I do work hard when I have a project or job to do, but just never had that sense of purpose. That has changed. I want to be the best singer I can possibly be, given my late start. This goal is what helped me give up smoking four years ago and not miss it. I didn’t want the smoking to affect my voice.
At the moment, a lot of old stuff is coming up from my past. I thought I had dealt with everything when I first recovered, but things just keep coming up anyway. Perhaps such long-term recovery and strength are necessary before the really heavy stuff can be handled. I don’t know. In any case, I am facing old fears and destructive behavior (relationship) patterns, as well as considering some major changes in my life. Some days I am tempted to just give up and forget everything. What gives me the strength and determination to continue? Singing and the desire to sing the best I can!
The voice is an extremely sensitive instrument. I have noticed in the past how it is affected by my energy level. When I am tired or under stress, I cannot sing well. Singing is also about letting go. I cannot sing well when I try hard. It has to be effortless and flowing, which is no easy task for someone with my background. As is true for many anorexics and bulimics, I have a tendency towards perfection. Since I plan to record a CD in the near future, it would be in my best interest to feel strong, well-rested, not be stressed, and to simply let go and enjoy the process. This realization more or less hit me over the head today. That is the key! I realized I am willing to go to extreme lengths, to take risks and assert myself for my voice. My voice is me!
My mind continued to wander in between chores and errands, and I felt a warm sense of gratitude spread through me. My dream gives me strength to face the more difficult tasks and situations in my life, and encouragement to cope well. My reward is the ability to sing freely and let my voice express itself fully. I’m not there
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